Ice Cream Sandwich-ality noun
Brothers and sisters,
I bring to your attention an issue that I believe needs urgent consideration. I believe that the modern age has brought along with it many challenges to society and this is one that needs to be dealt swiftly.
I was walking down the street the other day and saw a man buying an ice cream sandwich. I was disgusted. Never have I seen such a revolting sight in my whole life. It escapes me why a product like the ice cream sandwich is legalized in the first place.
Now you may ask me, “Usman, why does ice cream sandwich being legal make you angry?” Good question. I have many, many reasons why society should not be exposed to such a danger.
Firstly, ice cream has never been sold this way. It is has always been sold in the form of an icicle or ice cream on a cone. To imagine that we live in a world where we move away from our traditions is preposterous. This is the same propaganda that was used to free the slaves and give women voting rights. How dare anyone imply that we need to move away from traditions like slavery and/or the traditional ice cream? It is written right here in this book I believe in. In Chapter 38, Book of Cookies, the Cookie Monster states: “Thy shall only consume ice cream in it’s purest form.” And everybody knows that an ice cream sandwich is not the purest form of ice cream.
Then you may ask me, “Somebody else is consuming the ice cream sandwich. What’s your problem?” It is my problem, my ignorant friend. It is definitely my problem. I believe it is my right to impose my viewpoint on society and I have been given this right by my religion Cookie-Monster-Nianity and my fellow religious brothers and sisters, who belong to other religions like Narutoism and DragonBallZam, agree with me. So I must be right. In fact, I am right. I assume a moral high ground whenever I feel like it.
I also do not care that I am not being forced to consume the ice cream sandwich. I just find it disgusting that others are consuming it. And because if find it disgusting, I can not imagine why someone else would condone or, Cookie Monster forbid, partake in the act (of consuming ice cream.)
If we do not stop this injustice against society, our whole world will crumble, like a bad ice cream cone. We will eventually start consuming dog-tofu or something of the like. We must teach our children that anyone who thinks differently, lives differently, loves differently, enjoys differently is a raving lunatic who must be shackled by the chains of society: so that the human race never progresses.